Of all the dreams that can come to my mind, I dreamt about her yesterday. She was smiling at me. She responded to my messages. And I told her how beautiful she look with that smile. And then the alarm ring off. Such a short sweet dream. So I was trying my luck again to greet her a morning message. And that luck, never came. Haha. Dear Syafiq, try harder next time. Kuang kuang kuang. Cheers to everybody. Goodluck on the Monday Blues~

Something I've learn about woman:

She shall do something stupid just to protect her husband and family. If not, she will just cry and weeps.

Cheers~

An article I've read today.

The person who is directly responsible for this book to become a reality is my wife, who makes my life complete. She is my partner is marriage, business, and in life. And to my wife's parents, thank you for raising such a great daughter.

A great compliment. Some say, there is a woman behind every successful man. And I think this is one great example. So, the challenging task is, how and where to find such woman? And the answer is, work harder Syafiq. Haha. Cheers~

I'm pulling myself out of the office and challenge myself to a movie which is 'I don't know how she does it'. Sarah Jessica Parker was awesome. Ok, I know it's a movie for ladies but, I love that kind of movie. Seriously. It teaches you about life and how to deal with it. Something about how she juggle between work and family. I always hate it when there's another guy trying to flirt with her. Just hate it. One has to be careful. Sometimes, guys like us did what we can but, the best are just not your best. Everything happens for a reason and we have to face it. It's cool to be the guy who accepts all responsibility and admits his mistakes. It's cool to be the guys who keeps his patience to his wife and let her do whatever she wants. It's cool to be the guy who takes care of the kids when his wife is away for her business trip. But again, one has to always be careful.

The best article ever that drives me to be alone.

'Why the world doesn't need Superman'

In my heart she left a hole...

Bila part aku nak tido jer, mesti pikir pasal dier. Ms Greenday, asal kau senyap? Tak kesian ke kat aku! Alahai.

If I will have a wish, I will wish for 2 children. A boy and a girl. I would bring them to Mcdonald's breakfast, buy them hotcakes with orange juice. I'm pretty sure they will play with that sticky syrup. After that I'll bring them to the beach. Buy them those fancy floats. Teach them how to swim. Laugh with them. Carry them over my shoulder. Make sandcastles with them. After that, I'll take them home and make sure they take a nap. From there, I'll do my work peacefully. Once they are awake, I'll shower them. Then, we'll go and have fun at the fountain, go to the park and watch sunsets. Then we'll just sit by the water breaker making faces at each other. We'll just hear the waves crash. We'll hug each other, they will try to wrestle me and I'll try to kiss them. After that we'll eat ice-cream and watch movies together. Lastly, we'll go to bed together and I'll read fairy tales to them. What a wonderful wish.

I have just finished designing fire and gas detector support proposal. Just need to meet up with the client for the design approval. I was Facebooking pretty early in the morning if you can see. The funny thing is, when it comes to public holiday in Singapore, all the chaps can really wake up and do their things like cycling, having breakfast, some even already planned to go shopping. I was like WTF, you guys bila weekdays, nak bangun peh susah! Aku nak ajak bebual kat telefon pun sampai nak kene begging. Anyways, let's look forward for the holiday. Too bad I'm working today but it's great to see that Singaporeans are having fun. Gonna go Virgin megastore today to get Noel Gallagher singles debut album.

Ms Greenday, I still can't get my mind off you. Syafiq, get over it already! She might already been taken. Haha. Ok, let's not think about loving anymore. Time to complete today's task. Oh yah, I was invited to Singapore Business Council dinner today. Shit! Should start to think of what to wear. Damn it. Thanks Siri, you're not keeping up with my schedule! Grrr.

Btw, I really was shouting in pain yesterday. During the marking and pulling of cable inside the cargo tower, I slipped off a ladder step and leaned on one of the staging pipe which then scratched my whole entire back. I thought it was only a bruise but when I had my shower, the pain starts coming. Then I look in the mirror and I saw a long stretch of line across my body. It was bloody red. It looks as if someone had just slashed me. Cool huh! Lucky for me didn't really cause that much of pain, but not if someone touches it. I'll definitely be shouting. So please people, take care of yourself. There are still nice things in this world you have yet to discover. Cheers~

Its 0245hrs now. I just woke up. Bloody nightmare again. Gosh, when will this have to end. Someone please get this thing out of head. Sickness and grossed. Argh!

Balik keje makan mandi. Makan mandi kambing, ayam and ikan. Nasib baik tadi tak makan lunch. Sekarang perut punya lah buncit. Alhamdulillah. Dah lepas makan pegi rumah Asst Manager. His wife plak bikin teh berjug-jug. Duduk sembang bebual pasal golf sampai tak tau brape kali tambah teh. Skarang ni dah balik, and terlentang kat katil. Badan dah penat, air-con sudah on, slimut sudah ready, tapi mata taknak tutup. Ni mesti pasal caffeine. Haiz. Macam mana nak keje besok. Terpaksa lah minum ubat batuk! Codeine, it's time to unpack you. Goodnight people.

Oh Ms Greenday! I can't get my mind off you! Argh! Help! Help!

Dear boss,

I would like to thank you for letting me to work through lunch inside the cargo tower. My hands and legs are tired. My stomach is growling but still you insist of putting me inside. A 50m climb inside and and 50m climb out. Dear god, please save me from any accident. Love you people. Cheers~

It's always nice to be alone. Seeing stars and moon. Hearing the waves crashing. Feels good to be being me again. You know that no one deserves you but the great feeling is that, Allah will accept you in anyway. Sometimes, I feel so ashamed because I always go to HIM whenever I'm down and when I really needs HIM. What about the time if I'm happy and got what I've wanted. I will forget about HIM. I hope this time, I'll change. Workloads has been increasing. Got a crushed on someone but I think I don't deserve her. Working late everyday in office. Sitting in this office chair imagining a wonderful life. Eating peanut butter by itself. What a beautiful world. Hmm.

And so, what's next?

I'm doing research and design. I'm doing engineering. I'm doing manhours planning. I'm doing preservation planning. I'm doing ITR punch list clearing. Well basically, I'm underpaid but I'm fast. Yesterday I cleared off a stack of issues in lightning speed. See, I dont need to discuss the problem. We just need someone who have balls to decide and do the job. One example is me. Haha. I'm not showing off over here, but this is how we need to do to get things done. If we make mistakes, we have to admit. If not, means you're the hero. You make things happen without them even knowing it. So, time to attack these mofos and their problems. Watch people, I'm coming for you. Thanks to Ms Greenday for the motivation. Cheers~

Everytime when I finished my solat ishak at the masjid, I feel so free. It's as if I can do anything. It's as if I have completed my task for today. Betul mama cakap: "kalau kita mengejar akhirat, insyaallah dunia pun kiter akan dapat. Tapi kalau kita mengejar dunia, tak mungkin kita dapat akhirat."

For the first time I cried during Jumaat prayers. For the first time I totally regret what I have done. I hope Allah could forgive all my sins. I know I've hurt too much people. The day she told me about it few days ago was shocking. My hands is still shaking till now. It's just gone. We cannot turn back now. Not anymore. I'm so sad. I feel like a failure. Then, there's someone suddenly whispering to me. It was my late grandmother. I was doing prayers and I thought about my late grandmother. They suddenly came into my picture. So after Jumaat prayers, I stayed inside the mosque to do some Iktikaf. I recite some Yasin for them but my heart hurts so much. Only god knows how it really feels and hurt. I was whispering in my heart and I called for my grandmother, "Nenek, tolong Syafiq nenek. Asal diorang sumer jahat nek! Apa Syafiq dah buat? Nenek dengar tak." I couldn't take it anymore till I broke down into tears. I closed my eyes and try to picture on how she would smile and hug me. I know I've never seen my Nenek but I hope she sees me. I truly respect her about what she has done so much to my mum and our family. She had a cancer but she still live on and feed her children. She has fought the pain. I still remember the story about how she would painfully wait the whole day in the school canteen because of my mum and she would walk back home strugglingly just to be with my mum. My mum told me that at that time, she was so weak and still she struggle. She stills can manjakan anaknye even in that condition. "Nenek, you are my idol. Nenek, asal Nenek pergi dulu? Memang Allah sayang sangat pada Nenek. Sebab tu dia amik Nenek kan? Nenek, your picture is always in my mind. Nenek, maafkan Syafiq kalo Syafiq tak pegi kubur Nenek. Dah 2 tahun Syafiq tak ziarah kubur Nenek. Syafiq balik Singapore tapi selalu lupa nak pegi kubur Nenek. Insyaallah Syafiq bacakan Al-Fatihah untuk Nenek. Nenek mesti suka! Nanti kat akhirat, Syafiq nak jumpa Nenek. Nak bermanja dengan Nenek. Nanti kalo Syafiq balik Singapore, insyaallah Syafiq akan ziarah kubur Nenek. Nenek, Syafiq mesik sayangkan Nenek. Syafiq mesik sayang Atok. Syafiq mesik sayangkan Yot. Syafiq akan doa jadi kita semua bole jumpa lagi di akhirat." Insyaallah.

right now, i'm bloody pissed off with love. that's it.

What a wonderful day of surprises. It's a nightmare before christmas. I don't give a damn about it anyway. Just now, lil princess called. She just came back from Milan. I was like, nervous? Or excited? Haha. Cant wait to meet up? Wait, tomorrow is Thursday? Yippee. Looking forward for the weekend. Miss Blue Moon, points up. Ting ting ting ting!!! So I just came back from the tailor. Yes, I bought 2 shirts. This time, it's a slim cut version. I'm gonna make sure I will lose those flabby skin. Let the six packs roll in.

So I had a dinner with the folders just now. We were talking about golf, business, NS days and lastly, about Dubai. Very fun indeed. They couldn't still believe that I'm this young. And guess what, they told me to get married quickly. I was like shocked. In my mind, ok, maybe after 5 years huh. I was quite touched by a story of a guy and his wife. He's been married with his wife since 1983 and yet, he doesn't have any child. If god were to permit him to have one child, maybe by now, his child would be the same age as me. But the part where it really kept me thinking is, even though he's fate is just unlucky, he still have faith in Allah. He still doesn't miss prayers. Even while playing golf, he would pray behind the tee off for awhile. Such a story and to see where I stand now, this is really embarrassing. I should be thankful and really, it's not the end. There's still more to come and I hope I can survived.

Good morning sunshine. I'm not sure why I'm happy today. Maybe, the weather is good. Had french toast for breakfast and I've brought some to the office. Miss Blue Moon message me in the morning just now. I think I know why I'm happy already. It's always nice to know that someone do care for you. Atleast I'll not end up doing things that will hurt myself. It feels alive being single again. After 5 damn years, I'm back to square one again. So it's not too late to pick up what I've left 5 years ago indeed. Ok, let's not talk about relationship thingy, I feel so humiliated. So today, I start work. A guy came and tell me he's gonna work for me. And I ask what can you do for me. He said he'll help me do the administrative work like filing and document controlling. I took awhile to think and, holy shit! My manager gave me an indian personal assistant. How I would wish to be a nice long legged lady with big booty and boobs wearing suits and high heel. It would definitely be a morale booster for me. And so, thats life and I have to accept my fate for an Indian PA.. It's ok, atleast I got someone who can make good teh tarik my office. Best thing, its the first time someone would call on my mobile to say, "sir, meeting at 1100hrs". Cheers~

I was driving at 160km/h to catch the Liverpool vs Manchester United match. It ended with a draw. Such disappointment. Should I wait for Manchester City vs Aston Villa match? Or should I head home? Hmmm.

How I wished that I was the better one.

Integrated Project Delivery is the fucking answer! I'm fucking genius. Gonna hit those guys like the bowling pins now. So now, Building Information Modelling = Integrated Project Delivery. All these while I'm just looking for this answer. Ahakz, I have something to write already.

Got an interrogation from my beautiful PROF RENDA in the lift just now. She asked, "MOHAMAD, why do you always come in late for classes?" And I replied, "Sorry PROF, I'm not the morning guy!" And she said, "You better worked hard!" Hahahahahaha. I was bloody grinning away. Worked hard huh. Maybe. I would prefer work smart.

Today's highlight, my handphone got cut-off because I did not pay the bills on time (thanks mum!). The whole service center network is down. So I have to come back in the evening. Thank god i have another phone. Today, I was only relaxing in the office listening to the music and reading magazine. Boss called to ask some dimension control thingy inside the cargo tank. I've replied to him that I've already completed it and those monkeys did not witness the activity, and asked him to tell those monkeys to get lost! Boss replied it's ok and say that we need to re-do it again. I put the conversation on loudspeaker and place the phone on the table. While hearing BOSS conversation, I put 2 middle finger and smiled at eveyone who happened to be near my desk. Everybody was laughing like crazy. That's how smart my management staff is. They are not killing 2 birds with one stone but instead, killing one bird with thousands of stones.

Today will be another long night. Gonna finish up my assignments. Hopefully I can get enough sleep. Planning to go to driving range in the morning. After that breakfast at Jumeirah, and head down to Naif to meet my tailor. After that, I'll probably head down to school and submit my reports. Maybe in the evening, I'll go to the beach for some wet activities and sunsets. Ahakz. Gonna be a long night and a long day tomorrow. Let's enjoy the weekend while we still can. Cheers~

Snap snap! It was too fucking easy for me. Three cheers for a sweet revenge. Bloody bloody. I'm still grinning away. Haha. Looking forward for tomorrow huh! Oh yah, HI-POT test tonight. Four cables done, another four more to go. Weee! Tonight's lecture, the beautiful and cunning PROF RENDA! You're killing me! You are black-mailing your students. Grr! Stop with the bloody mock exams and presentation. I know I'm cute and good at powerpoints. So pretty please, stop with the weekly assignments. I really got no time for you. Now I'm stuck with assignments. And where should I be now, it's Thursday night and the ladies are waiting for me at Barasti! Ok, maybe I shall leave home at 11 later. Now, I shall take the time to finish off at least 10% of the work, then the rest of the night we'll spent with the chicanos (like real!). Lecture with PROF OZAN tomorrow about safety management at 9am. Not so sure if I can wake up and focus on tomorrow's lecture. The thing is, I might be coming home in the wee morning, that's it. I'll be stoning away. Gonna have a big plans on Saturday. Fever's gone and now is the time for some wet activity. Winter's coming and that's sucks. Gonna start to wash those jackets ey. Anyway, time for some assignments. Goodnight all. Sweet dreams.

Damn it! She was fucking easy on me. I'm bloody smiling away. A great weekend to look forward.

I think I've tried my best but sometimes, your best is just not enough. I don't know why she went silent on me. If this is what she wants, then maybe I'll have to hate her and others, forever. I'm trying my best to atleast get closer, but she wants to be distant. She wants me to move on. I'm really not buying all these bullshits of asking me to move on and find another lady. I trying here to be nice and people are just fucking around. I hate people who knows that I've tried my best but doesn't appreciate it all. What's there to do. Let's just hope for the best. Fuck it! Fuck you! Fuck everyone who tried to love me. I shall only say this once, my life is a fucking mess, and people are still fucking messing my life. I need someone who can hit the fuck out of my head and ask me to clean up this mess up. And that someone, just fucking blew it. Fuck you Syafiq! Fuck you! I just need that from someone!

She's got a mission, and I'm collateral damage.
She's the flower that you place on my casket.
Savor the moment cause the memory's fleeting.
Take a photograph, as the last train is leaving.

Lunch time and was listening to this song. I remember listening to this song while in the bus to Ngee Ann Poly. Then stop at SIM and climb up all the way to Block 81. That time was really legend man. I feels like only yesterday I was graduated from Polytechnic. I can still remember the Maths lesson. It's a total nightmare. But hang on, I passed my maths ey! Unbelievingly, my old friends from ITE who is doing part-time now, asked me how the hell I can go through. Well, secret is, find a place where you can get inner peace and tadaa, mug all day and night you want. I used to go to Holland village cafe, King Albert Park Mcdonald, Margaret Drive Mcdonald, Forum Mcdonald and many more just to find my inner peace. So once I got my inner peace, I'll blast the tunes through my earpiece and just mug all day long. Filza used to say that I'm a mugger. She is the only person at that time who knew that I study very hard. But I will pretend I'm not. Even mum told me, "orang semua sibuk blaja. Kau sorang je yang rilek. Kau sorang je yang takde exam". Secret is, the only time I study is when everybody is busy or doing something else. So nobody will know that I'm studying. Sometimes, out of the blue, Filza would call me and ask me where am I. So I'll just make up story saying that I'm just relaxing. There was once I was studying at the airport, she really came and caught me. She thought I was dating someone else or maybe I lied. Hahahahaha. From then on, I was officially declared a mugger! Damn it. I really enjoy those moments. Playing ball games, doing jackass, bitchslapping my friends, do something that hurts ourselves, showing middle finger to pretty ladies. We are just purely jackass. Now, most of my poly Jackass are about to settle down. Some are married. Some got lost. But, at the end of the day we had fun. The past is over. Let's look for something big in future. At least if the world ends tomorrow, I have already got what I wanted. Right now, the only thing that is left to do is to solve the missing pieces in my puzzle. You guys can say that it's time to look for a new girl. But damn it man, I am starting to hate girls. I was at GITEX exhibition yesterday. Most of the promoters are all ladies, and I was like, WHAT THE FUCK. Shite. You put a beautiful lady waering tight sexy clothes and she knows nothing about the product. Seriously, you gotta be kidding. Fucking great!

Another day, another baby, USS Flint. A retired navy ship on my dock. This is the first time I'm handling a navy ship. Worst thing is, I've to go back to square one and study the entire EIT system of the ship. From now on, I shall start the ball rolling. Let's see, who will be the one tumbling down. Definitely, not me! I ready for some kick ass action. I'm ready for late nights and definitely, I'm ready for long meetings. Winter is coming and it sucks actually. One can't go sun-tanning again. We have to start to wear jackets again. And worst thing is, everybody will start to go sick. In this state, I better take care of myself and not to go sick. Cause if not, I'll definitely be the one tumbling down. No way!

I was doing that bloody research on basement construction for construction technology. I am really not a good geologist, but I struggling and reaching almost there. The thing is, I hate long lecures. I just love practical stuffs and I love research. It keeps my focus going. But since Prof Rehab is pretty and sweet, I don't mind going the extra mile to sit on the long lectures. But she will always asked, "Yes Mohamad, do you have anything to say?" Damn it, I can still be cheeky and I still think that I haven't still change for the better since polytechnic days. But most importantly, do what you do best and love doing. Do not harm others and don't make enemies. And yes, that beautiful Emirates stewardess, her name is Yatie. And, I know where you are residing here. Hahahaha. Damn you Yatie! You're beautiful but sorry, you're not my type. I might be single, but I'm not available. No time for ladies no more. Cheers~

I skipped lunch again. I went to sleep instead. Now stomach is growling. Damn irritating. Anyway, last 2 days I bought Adele CD with bro-in-law. Now she's stuck in my head. And her songs, it's just rubbing the salt to the wound. And yes, we are sharing the same fate. One of my favourite song, sing by Adele is, "someone like you". I can go onboard and walkaround with this song playing again and again. But then, listening to the lyrics always picture 'her' image in my head. I always think what would happen if this broke up didn't happen. Maybe, we will be engaged next year, and hopefully we will get married soon, and have a one big happy family. But then again, these are just thoughts. I have wish nothing more for love except the best for her. I shall now wait for a kind-hearted soul who would volunteer herself to marry me. There's little option now left for me since I'm already 26. If I wanna have another 5 years relationship, by then I won't have enough strength to carry my kids around. A wise man say to me, jodoh tak usah di cari. Ia dengan sendirinya akan datang. So, we shall now wait and see what will happen. Hopefully, with the mistakes I'm going through now, my life will be better. I have promise myself to stop all the booze and drugs. Listening to Indian Larry advice, he stopped smoking, drinking and taking drugs for 8 years and that 8 years, it's much better life. Fortunately, he died in a tragic accident. But he died doing what he love most and passionate about. He accomplished something that no one has ever thought off, by only believing in himself. One of the best advice from him is, "I don't want to depend on anybody. I want to know absolutely about everything. The funny part is, the more you know, the less you know. That's the funny part". He has motivate me to be hardworking, to look things more practically and the best thing, do the things that will makes you feel accomplished and happy. At the end of the day, it's all not about the money and being rich, it's about how you want your life to be. And that's how I think I want my life to be. Doing things in what I do best, without depending on anybody, anymore.

we've just reached the junction of the road. I hope that you have make a good choice.

je vais toujours vous vous souvenez, mon amour.
adieu l'amour.

15 moments that I always remember about you:

1) The moment I deliver pizza to your place and you smiled at me.
2) The first time we went out at Suntec to feed the fishes.
3) The time we went for luge, and I asked what's your weight.
4) The time when you lost your wallet at East Coast, you panicked, still I fetch you home.
5) The time when you wait for me at your void deck with your nurse uniform and me with my pizza hut uniform
6) The night when I teach you how to tie a Ketupat below your void deck and made for a very small Ketupat and you say it's cute.
7) The moment you saw me at the airport when you are leaving to Australia for your studies.
8) The moment I surprise you on your birthday at Border's NYDC with your family.
9) The moment you close my eyes at Lau Pa Sat and ask, Teka siapa?
10) The surprise that you have arrange for me at my place for my birthday party with my friends and family.
11) The moment you surprise me at Westmall Swensen and the staff sang me a birthday song.
12) Everytime we rode on my scooter for sunset and just rode to nowhere.
13) The day that you fetch me while I was at Tekong. You came and drove all the to Changi Beach.
14) You came and visit me everyday when I had my ligament surgery.
15) You came and brought me hotcakes and feed me.

10 things why would he take you away from me:

1) I was never romantic.
2) I am always late and never punctual.
3) I always keep you waiting.
4) I am very cocky when I'm with my friends toward you.
5) I always call you fat.
6) I didn't bother to call you or talk to you on the phone.
7) I never listen to your opinions.
8) I never took care of the things that you gave to me.
9) I always prioritise my friends rather than you.
10) I always force something that you don't like doing.

An advice from my personal counsellor. Thanks counsellor!

counsellor: relationship needs trust but we also must think abt other factors that may affect our relationship...

counsellor: i tink its time for u to review/look back at the relationship ,do reflection whether wat will happen if u continue fighting to be wif nisa n is there any possible issues happen if both of u are apart....

counsellor: its true tt takdir menentukan tp kite kene cuba usaha dulu sblm menyerah...

counsellor: u shd prove to her tt u love her bt at the same time let her decide at least u wil feel satisfied if she really choose u bt if she doesnt choose u, take it as takdir n at least u r nt forcing her to love u bt in her heart she actually loves other man.

I don't know why she wrote me that message. I was in the meeting and when I came back, I saw the messages she wrote. I replied to her but, I'm still thinking. Thinking if she would still love me. She said that she can't fall for me anymore. She said that the guy she dated was like me. Had the same attitude, maybe better, and his past was very colourful. I can't compare myself to such a guy like him. I'm just an ordinary pizza delivery guy. And I love what I do. If god were to take away my soul right now, I'll be smiling because I feel honoured that GOD made me find you. And I feel honoured to be with you. I am just happy that you have found your new pizza delivery guy.

Gerek per, tengah lunch dengar lagu SM Salim ft Siti Nurhaliza - Pandang pandang jeling jeling. I am really laughing away while hearing this song. Haiz, kalo lah kat kampong sekarang, memanglah tepat! Can imagine the gadis melayu with my favourite baju kurung. Memang anggun sekali. Hahaha!

Cincin intan bunga selasih
Mari dipakai di waktu petang
Kenapa tuan tak mahu berkasih
Adakah orang akan melarang

Kain sarung kain terendak
Memanglah manis kalau dipakai
Kalau takut dilambung ombak
Jangan berumah di tepi pantai

Menjeling menjeling kubertentang
Mata kita sama memandang
Kucuba kucuba nak bertanya
Siapa diakah namanya

Menjeling menjeling kubertentang
Mata kita sama memandang
Bercakap bertanya dan bermesra
Jangan sampai datang rumah

Tuai padi musim dah tiba
Mari menuai di waktu pagi
Kalau begini malang menimpa
Biar kuturut kata hati

Bunga selasih permainan budak
Daun sehelai dimakan kuda
Bercerai kasih bertalak tidak
Seribu tahun bertemu juga

Kereta kuda pedati lembu
Singgah mari di tepi kuala
Tuan sutera saya belacu
Mana 'kan boleh berganding sama

Burung jelatik sarang kedidi
Sarang tempua sarang berjuntai
Sungguhpun cantik sutera diuji
Belacu juga tahan dipakai

Dah lah Syafiq. Kau ni memang degil lah. Berapa kali aku dah bilang kau, kau punya cerita dengan dier dah habis dah. Dier sendiri cakap semalam yang dier dah ada pilihan yang lain. Kau tunggu apa lagi, belah ayam belah itik, kau belah pun cantik. Memang aku dah takde jodoh dengan dier. Memang cinta itu masih ada, tapi apa nak buatkan. Dier pun cakap dier masih sayangkan budak itu, lebih baik aku move on. Jangan lah kau buang masa lagi. Kalo dier betul-betul nak kau, aku rasa suatu hari nanti, tau lah mana dier nak cari kau. Tak guna nak berlengah-lengah lagi. So aku rasa, time to get back on my feet and forget about her. Kadang-kadang tu memang kita dah cuba, abeh kalo orang dah tak nak, aper kita bole buatkan. Cinta tu kalo ada, adalah. Kalo takde, apa nak buat. Ni semua memang takdir. Haizz, kentang-kentang. Cinta dengan kentang pun baik ah!!

I'm in the food court now and I don't know what to eat. It seems that I've lost my appetite. I have a portion of fried rice yesterday, I skip lunch, and I drank banana juice for dinner. Today I skipped breakfast, and still have not yet decide what to have for lunch. Maybe I'll to order fish n chips. But, I don't think I can finish it. Haiz.

Wow, today woke up late. Heard my phone buzzing away but I don't bother to even pick up. I did take a peek. It's my manager's office number. Go to hell with him. I don't give a damn about him anymore. He's a useless prick and don't even know anything about the job. I wonder what makes him be a manager. And so, I'm all set up now. Heading down to Trading Enterprise. After that, gonna have good coffee. I also need to buy some books on statistic analysis. It not easy to get good bookstores in Dubai. Maybe I'll head down to Kinokuniya jn festival city.

I'm still quite pissed off with mum. She really takes things very easily. I don't know how to push my family off to the limit where we can become successful people. Well, the fact is, I just helping them but they refuse to help themselves. Anyway, I think I just leave to them about how they wanna run their life. Anyway, plan A is scrapped. So I need plan B now. Come on Syafiq! Think think think!

Yesterday, I had a tele-conversation with her. You know it's always nice to hear her voice again. It's just makes me become myself again. I think the bill this month will definitely cost a bomb. We are talking about how I think we should just stay as friends and still contact like how we used to. There's always opportunity to patch things up but for the moment, I think we should put it at rest. I don't think long distance relationship is gonna workout anymore. But we did laugh yesterday. We shared some jokes and truly, I can really see that she can become a good wife and also she be a good mother. It's just that I don't deserve her. Maybe, she deserve someone better. Life is like a kentang!

Good morning sunshine. It was a comfy sleep on a new comfy bed. Thanks to mum and sis, I woke up and ready for a fresh start of the day. I had a thought of something when I woke up. But, I think, I should start already to bang my head onto the wall. Alot of my chaps starts to recommend his or her friends to me. I was like, ahakz. I would love to but, no more long distance. I think I had enough of it. I'm ok with long distance relationship, but it's all about the other party. If she don't like it, then again I'll be stuck again. For the mean time, I think it would be a great idea just to stay single and look forward for life and try being a nice bachelor. And now me being single, I shall pass the baton to my sis and everybody will be looking forward for her marriage. And she was like huh! And my mum and my sis is like, ya right. If you are going to be the last person to get married in our family, it will be really a big and grand wedding lor. I was like, ahakz. We shall see. I can't even imagine myself walking up the aisle. I can't even imagine myself holding hands again with a lady. Weird thing is, my mum says, "Nanti mama doakan kau dapat jodoh yang baik eh!" I was like huh? Ok whatever. Anyway, let's look forward for a nice day today.

Good morning. Just woke up from a very nice sleep. I dreamt about her yesterday. I ask myself a simple question but I just errrmmm, couldn't answer it. It was, what happens if one day you don't quit that something that you wanna give up, what is the worse thing would ever happen? So that's about it. I know that I'm very good at walking away, and what do I need to talk reponsibility which I think I don't even have it. Everything failed because I'm just another pain in the ass. Here another good morning song by Train. Enjoy the day.

Tell me did you sail across the sun.
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded.
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me did you fall for a shooting star.
One without a permanent scar.
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there.

Dear Prof Renda, I will not sleep because you.

I just got back from Mesra Raya at Murooj Rotana Hotel. Everybody is wearing baju kurung again. we got our special host all the way from Singapore, Hafiz Glamour. Everybody looks very nice with their baju kurung outfits. I was with white baju kurung and brown kain samping. Everybody seems to see my gloomy face. I tried to smile, but seems hard. Maybe I'm just tired. Well, gonna get over the assignment and then straight to bed.

Let's talk about what happen in the evening. Had a slow talk with Isha. She seems happy. And, I feel relieved to hear her happy voice again. After what I have done, I think I'm really in deep deep shit. Tried to talk to her so that atleast we could patch things up, but she need time. Come on Syafiq, she needs the time. You have to let her go this time. Well, hopefully she gets what she is seeking for. I feel like a loser but what to do, this is fate. It's gonna be another rough journey. I hope that I'm ready for it. Gonna pray hard to stay strong and keep moving. This time, it really fall hard on me. Damn you Syafiq, you asked for it. GRRRRR!!!!